A Well Meaning Huge Load of Crap

"Your hair will grow back."

"What have you got to be scared of, heaven?" (my favorite, from my mother)

"We have people praying for you." (This is just my peeve)

"Everything is going to be alright." (well it don't feel that way right now!)

"So and So had cancer and they're all right now." (Goodie for them, I'm still scared.)

And so forth.

When you have been diagnosed with cancer, you are scared $#!+less. The fear doesn't stop, it sometimes gets put on the backburner while you do something else but you're scared all of the time in some shape, form or fashion.  Cancer is on my mind just about every moment of the day. I'm about to lose 18 to 24 months of my life to recovery if I make it through. Sometimes I pop a prescription anxiety pill to take the edge off but that's only a temporary fix and a little later, the fear returns.  With mine, every weekly blood test has me on edge....is the chemo still working?  What do my numbers mean?  Why did my Y chromosome mutate?  Will it happen again?  What if I go to acute status?  Have I gone to acute status?  I have approximately 10 months to live as I am now, will they find a donor?   Real and imagined scenarios are always cooking up in my brain.

Some advice for people who have people in their lives that are dealing with cancer: don't give them one liner pick me ups or advice.  If you've had cancer, we want to hear from you.  We want to know what you went through and what you felt because we want to know our feelings are valid and our fears are real and that you made it through.  The best thing I have heard so far is an especially kind lady from the leukemia/lymphoma society tell me about her experience with a bone marrow transplant.  She said the week of chemotherapy and radiation was nothing compared to the second week when you "felt like a semi-trailer hit you, backed up and ran over you again.  You will be wiped out and totally exhausted."  I can deal with that.  I can somehow relate.  It takes an unknown and sheds a light on it.  I'm sure chemo and radiation is pretty bad but the doctor assured me that they will try and make me comfortable as they can.  

Let someone who has been diagnosed with cancer talk.  Let them cry.  Hug them if it's safe.  Cancer isn't contagious.  I internalize everything.  I make a joke of my cancer and put on a brave face.  I don't want others to feel uncomfortable around me, but the truth is, I'm terrified, I don't want to die.  I'm pretty sure everyone with cancer is afraid in one form or another: am I in remission?  for how long?  will this hurt?  how long do I have?  5 years suddenly is a short time, what do I do?  

Let us rant, rave and squall, just listen and don't say you understand unless you truly do.